TATIANA VINOGRADOVA

documentary photography

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Sasha, 22 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Sasha says: “I am the only son of my parents. If I tell them that I am gay, I will get nothing for myself, but they will be absolutely devastated. All sense of their life... just bang! … it will get rotten.”

Pavel, 44 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Pavel says: “My mother's reaction was “it is a teenage thing, you’ll grow out of it, you simply haven't met the right girl yet.” The most ridiculous thing is I was already 26.”

Georgiy, 22 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Georgiy says: “One of the reasons for moving to St. Petersburg is a desire to live openly in a big city. If you had asked me before moving if I was gay — I would have said "no".

Anton, 20 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Anton says: “Heterosexuality is the right thing, everything else is not. I hope I'm not gay forever.”

Sergey, 23 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Sergey says: “I'm trying to prepare myself for loneliness, I don't cherish any illusions about surrogate mothers and mythical children that gays can adopt. I picture a scenario where there is no one to bury me.”

Maxim, 28 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Maxim says: “Sometime later my mom confessed: “Every day I lived with the thought that my son was gay and I was looking for any excuse to make a scene. Then I imagined how during an argument I was taking an axe and cutting your head off. I really wanted it.”

“I haven’t communicated with my mother for about 3 years. The reason is her homophobia. She said that people like me have to be killed, burned, castrated. It shook everything I knew about her and ever felt for her. It is strange that I was brought up by a person like her. How could I even have been born by her?”

Oleg, 27 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Oleg says: “Remember the magazine Rovesnik? Every month me and my mom went to Soyuzpechat* kiosk. And once Brad Pitt was on the cover. Actually, I don't like Brad Pitt... Anyway, mom bought me the magazine, and I took and kissed the cover for some reason. I can't explain why I did it. But mom was perplexed.”
*Soyuzpechat is a network of press kiosks existing in USSR.

“I can judge girls aesthetically, well, kind of like pictures in a museum.”

Ivan, 24 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Ivan says: “The meaning of life is to live your own life. Not someone else's, not illusory, but full. To breathe with two lungs instead of one and say “I don’t need my second lung.”

Sasha, 26 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Sasha says: “My grandfather was a very clever and acute person. I think I was about 9 or 10 years old, I don't remember, but once he asked me directly "Are you gay? " I answered like "What’s a gay?"

Sergey, 33 years old, poses for a portrait at his friend's apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Sergey says: “I used to go to a Baptist church for 5 years. I used to be a Sunday school teacher, teaching children the Bible. I sang in the Church choir. After coming out as gay I was expelled from the church.”

Alexander, 45 years old, poses at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Alexander says: “I used to work in the criminal investigations department. You know how it happens, the colleagues say “Let's go to the steam bath, let's invite girls.” I answered “No thanks. I gotta go,” and people started to ask questions. Then they began to say to my face directly “What a police officer you are…” I had to leave my job because of this discrepancy. I mean, not because of a professional discrepancy.”

Anatoly, 23 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Anatoly says: “I’ve been walking alone since I was 7. There is a river called Volkovka near my house where the railroad and garages are. Before there were thickets instead of garages and I just went to these thickets until the end of the day. There were no people, people are an aggression.”

Oleg, 27 years old, poses for a portrait at his apartment in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Oleg says: “When it came to kissing a girl, I started laughing.”

© 2018 Tatiana Vinogradova all rights reserved